Things to be grateful for

At the start of December I attended a Thanksgiving dinner at Beth Uriel (BU). This is a house or rather, a home, where young men who come from difficult backgrounds are offered a place to finish school and/or tersiary studies. A lot of the guys don't like to talk about family or their childhood years, but they are more than willing to chat about their plans for the future. Consequently the guy who I was assigned to - lets call him J - never really answered any questions I posed about his family life. But it didn't matter. Turns out our first lesson at BU, it was me who had to learn something.
It somehow occurred to me that it was up to him whether he wanted to tell me anything at all, and I declined offers from counselors at the house to fill me in on the details. Who was I to dig into his past? I decided to let him be who he wanted to be in front of me, to let him make the decision about whether he wants to tell me anything at all.  It turned out to be a good decision and in fact I don't think he would have had it any other way. He could easily have refused my tuition - there are a stock of other tutors to choose from, all people who show up once the church has directed them to BU.
But J and I have struck up a strange friendship. He stays in his world and I in mine (and I can't decide if this bothers me or not), but he knows if he wants to know something about Afrikaans, he can call me. And I know if I need to be grounded, to be reminded that life is actually much simpler than I tend to make it, there is Beth Uriel and J. He jokes around with me about my work stress, I ask him about his love of rugby and the family life at BU. Sometimes I chat to the other guys (when neither of us feel like studying), or bring him books I think he might like. I save all my Huisgenoot magazines for him, he offers me a cup of tea when we work late. I don't know if I made even a little bit of difference with his Afrikaans marks (though I sincerely hope I have!), but J was the one who invited me to the dinner and I felt really honoured to be remembered.

Little did I know that I would yet again learn something from him, instead of him from me.

The thing that struck me most about the Thanksgiving dinner - perhaps predictably so - was the bright red Wall of Gratitude. Each and every resident of the house had to write down what they were grateful for and stick it on the kitchen wall. Once everyone - guests and residents included - were gathered for dinner (a traditional American meal with turkey and all the bells and whistles, my first ever!) we all had to say what we were grateful for.

People's reactions were mixed - some were shy, some were excited. Everyone got to say something. Some were grateful for family, some were grateful for Beth Uriel. Others were grateful to have friends, a meal. When my turn came, I thanked Beth Uriel (while all the while thinking of J) for allowing me to help and for just being my friend in return. J might not know it, but our tutoring sessions helped me as much as it did him. 

The whole experience also got me thinking about the rest of my year - not just the one with J and Beth Uriel, but also at work, in my friendships and in my personal life. I have a lot to be grateful for. A lot. So now, with this year coming to an end tomorrow night, I've decided to do another list of things to be grateful for. May it inspire you all to do the same! If you can think of just one thing that you would have stuck on the BU wall, I think you have a reason to go into the new year with a smile. Here goes!

1. I got engaged to a wonderful man.
2. I got to help someone out and make a friend in the process.
3. I have a big, wonderful, colourful family (umm... I still have to do a post about Christmas, don't I?)
4. Fiance and I found a place to stay in next year!
5. My mom and I had a good, much needed bonding session on Christmas day.
6. I have been averaging 3 sessions of exercise for the past few weeks. Yay!
7. I did have writers block and a mini-breakdown (sigh, yes! I even went to a psycologist! Will tell all at a later stage, perhaps in the Christmas post..) BUT I'm writing right now and I feel like I'm learning a hell of a lot through all my stressing-outedlness! :) 
8. My lovely friend is here from Pretoria (one of the bridesmaids).
9. I now have 8 bridesmaids. Eight! I know, I know. But just think of the party we're gonna have! :)
10. I will end off the year with (yet another) dinner party in the beautiful Bo-Kaap, with my fiance and our two best friends. Isn't that the loveliest new year's party you can imagine?

Running? Tick. Planning a wedding? Tick (esp now that I've got EIGHT right hands!). Learning something? Tick. Making friends? Definitely tick!! :) :) Happy New Year friends!! I leave you with a pic of me, J and the Gratitude Wall.

 

pulling faces, of couse! :) Thank you, J!

Big poofy dresses and love stories and things...

Sigh. Believe it or not, I am still on the subject of the dress. Laurie-the-fun-journalist once told me and Lesley (the friend who recently got married, where I cried my eyes out) that she still doesn't know if she likes her wedding dress. At first I was puzzled.

"You have this idea in your head," she said over coffee and a generous slice of cake for each of us, "but then you get to the shops and you try things on and it all changes. And before you know it, you've bought a big, poofy wedding dress, like the ones they have in the movies."

But now I know what she means. Yes, I know I told you all I've followed my gut feeling. But is a gut feeling supposed to make you feel all swooney and airy? This is what I wrote to Laurie last week:

"Laurie, I have to share this with you. Remember how you said that you still don’t know if you like your wedding dress, because the industry just confuses you and before you know it you have a princess dress instead of what you had in mind?

It happened to me. I bought a bloody ballgown!

Tell me it’s okay? I thought I was going to be an edgy, modern bride with an unusual dress. One that looked sexy instead of big and poofy. But I am officially now poofy! Big! Poofy! Big! Did I say poofy?

I am already plotting a second outfit. One that is edgy and modern and sexy....

But here’s my problem: what if I just don’t want to take the big white one off? What if I am mesmerized again when I come close to it and I just can’t get it off me on the night? I don’t know how it happens, but whenever I have it on I get this wistful, happy, silly smile on my face. That’s instead of the sexy, shy, cool one I had planned.

I will simply have to get my bridesmaids to drag me kicking and screaming from the hall, remove it by force and make me put on my sexy second outfit. That’s all." 

This is what Laurie wrote back: 

"Do not be afraid.
When the bridal fairies sew up these dresses in the Magical Kingdom of Weddings, far, far away, they sprinkle magic dust on them that, when inhaled, completely intoxicates the young maiden trying on the gown.... do not be afraid. You will be a princess bride. There is something magical about a wedding dress. I firmly believe they choose you, and not the other way around. The dress that wants to be yours will be yours - no matter what. It will hypnotize you and make you fall in love with it. And once you fall in love with it, you will love it forever.


If you insist on your edgy outfit - which I think is a SMASHING idea - then make a pact with your bridesmaids that AFTER the first dance (because you want to be a fairy bride and wear the dress that made you fall in love with it) you can change into Modern Edgy Bride.

Embrace it, because you just can't fight it...."

Sigh. I think I will trust Laurie on this one... not so sure even about the second outfit now. So here is a nice Taylor Swift video to get us all into the swooney, lovey-dovey mood....

Progress

Progress indeed!

Making friends: We have a new housemate (again!)! What a lovely busy house we have. I'll call her the American Journalist. She moved in yesterday and she works as a freelancer for probably the best newspaper in the country. Her focus at the moment is environmental journalism. Very, very inspiring!

Running a marathon: As I said in the last post, I've decided to not allow myself to run a race again before I've run at least three to four times a week for four weeks in a row. So I'm halfway through the second week after the last race, and I've run three times and gone swimming once. Not bad, I think, though I probably could have done more. I'm planning another running session in lunchtime today and a last one tomorrow morning - before I whisk off to Pretoria for the second weekend in a row. 

Planning a wedding: Invitations almost all sent out! I may also have found the perfect shoes for the bridesmaids, at a very good price. So excited. Still don't have a DJ, though, because the one we wanted is already booked. Bleh. Don't know WHAT we're going to do. Dancing is the best part of the party! 

Learning something: So this is probably not exactly what I had in mind when I imagined learning stuff, but I've realized that stres really affects me badly. As I've said, things are better at work since I've got a better idea of what I have to do for the next three issues of our magazine, but the past month - when we went on double deadline - really is showing. I stopped running (as was demonstrated in the bad race two weeks ago), I picked up weight (stres causes an uncontrollable craving for doughnuts, it seems. And it doesn't help that my Muslim colleagues know all the anties who make the best doughnuts in town and keeps bringing us boxes of those evil sugary luxuries almost every week). My skin also breaks out, I can't stop scratching when I'm this stressed and I don't sleep. BUT exercise makes all the difference, so I am even more committed to my running regime after this month. Let's hope the workload doesn't get out of hand before Christmas. I do have a wedding coming up, after all!

Learning something no2: My mom's best friend just published her first book, and reading it on the plane back to Cape Town from Pretoria last weekend brought up some interesting emotions. I have written something about it but I'm still contemplating if I should publish... watch this space.